


in between.

by alchemic



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Horrortale (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Swapfell (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Underfell (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Underlust (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Underswap (Undertale), Angst, Anxiety, Bara Underfell Sans (Undertale), Because I can't write anything without fluff, Depression, Just a kinda peek into the boy's head space a bit, Multi, Obsessive Behavior, Obsessive Sans, Reader Insert, References to Drugs, Stalking, Swapfell Sans, To see what motivates them to act this way, Underfell Sans, Underswap Sans, Violence, Yandere Sans, cursing, gender neutral reader, some fluff sprinkled in
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:55:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27093904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alchemic/pseuds/alchemic
Summary: a series of short drabbles about my fairy tale au, taking place 'in between' their stories. ft. huntsman, beast, prince and captain.
Relationships: Sans (Undertale)/Reader
Comments: 33
Kudos: 111





	1. happiness ft. huntsman

**Author's Note:**

> howdy! welcome to in between! if you're new to my works this series takes place in a corrupted city of ebott and will be focusing on the sanses of my fairytale au! this drabble series was to celebrate reaching 400 followers on my tumblr, which you can check out [here](https://alch3mic.tumblr.com/)! i post art and answer questions about my boys, so feel free to give it a follow. thank you so much to everyone who enjoys my works and please look forward to more!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter in particular deals with my classic sans, huntsman, who's fic you can check out right over [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25345660/chapters/61454554)!

What did it mean to be...

...happy..?

....

  
  
  


...He really wasn't quite sure.

Happiness was.. an emotion.

Something that you were suppose to feel in a positive moment in life.

Something that made you smile.

Or filled you with a warmth.

Or joy.

Or... something..

It certainly filled you with.. something...

  


And in the end, it always left just as quickly as it came.

Happiness was never meant to stay long, after all.

It was fleeting, like the soft caress of a breeze against your face. Just gentle enough to make itself known before vanishing, leaving you chasing after that breeze wishing it would grace your cheek once more. And then when your legs finally gave out, the happiness would just sail far, far away out of your reach.

Then you'd be alone..

And... aware... 

Of just how empty you were without it.

...

  


Perhaps that's why so many people chased after it?

To fend off that overwhemingly empty feeling.

It just seemed foolish to him to try to pursue something so temporary.

It's not like you can hold happiness in your hands or ask it to stay.

You'd work your ass off just for those few brief moments of bliss before it'd slip right through your fingers, and then all you'd be left with is the reminder...

And the pain...

...

  


He just didn't see the point in putting in that kind of effort anymore for something so momentary.

..But maybe that was just him being lazy...

  


It was pointless to think about, so he tried to push the thought of happiness far from his mind.

And yet no matter how much he tried.. it was hard to not think about happiness.

He was surrounded by it. 

Constantly, everywhere he went, he could see the signs of happiness in others.

He could hear it in passing conversations as people talked about the future. He could hear it when they talked about their families, or their lives, or their loves ones. He could see it in the smiles of other monsters. He could see it in their joy as they lived their lives each and every day surrounded by friends, or when they received exciting news, or when they finally succeeded at something new.

He saw it when they laughed. 

And when they celebrated. 

And sometimes, even when they cried.

And especially now that they were here on the surface...?

Well, it's not like it had been easy being up here. Humans were absolutely terrible, giving them scraps to live off of and calling themselves 'generous' for even tolerating their presence in their city. They gave them deteriorating buildings and minimum wage jobs and then turned around and called it 'charitable'. Look at them, opening up their kind hearts to these monsters and then turning around and treating them like garbage.

But.. monsters were happier than ever, getting to see the stars at night and the sun rise in the morning. They were trying to make lives for themselves up here, and for awhile it seemed like that happiness would never end..

Now that the shine had faded from living topside for few years and the reality that this city was nothing but a hellhole finally set in.. everyone was left chasing around that feeling of happiness like their lives depended on it.

...Maybe it did for some people...

  
  


It did once.... for him.

There were moments in his life where Sans _thought_ he had been happy.

When a positive emotion sprung forth from his chest making him feel.. something.

..Whether or not it was actually happiness he... really couldn't say.

Still, those moments were fleeting and far between, and all of the space between those supposed moments of 'happiness' were...

Long and painful. 

They were empty. 

Hollow. 

Devoid of anything but... apathy.

For himself.

For his home.

For those around him.

Others would smile at him, and he'd do the same. It was just a poor imitation at first of what was really suppose to be there, but soon he perfected it. Just the right amount of easy going and relaxed, with just a dash of humor. 

..That smile became a mask, just as empty and hollow as the skeleton who wore it.

He too had spent a lot of time chasing around that emotion of happiness, all for those few seconds of bliss where he felt something, rather than this aching hollowness that consumes every part of his soul. But.. those moments were so short-lived that it was only natural that it left him wanting more, desperate for the split seconds where he felt normal.

Where.. he finally felt like everyone else around him.

He'd be.. 'happy'.. and then.. 

It'd leave.

And then.. the pain would come.

The hateful, _soul-aching_ pain of feeling nothing after finally having the chance to feel something.

Well... it was no wonder he began to take comfort in feeling nothing.

Feeling the constant pain without any relief just eventually made him feel numb to it all. It couldn't hurt him anymore if it was always present. He could no longer be tempted into feeling something, because he knew before long it'd all disappear.... leaving him alone.. with nothing but his own thoughts.. and the pain..

.....

  
  


It's.. only natural to give up at some point, right?

After all, someone like him wasn't meant to feel happiness.

Someone like him wasn't meant to feel joy.

Someone like him wasn't meant to feel anything at all.

Why else would would he have been born like this if it wasn't the case?

He was meant to be alone, filled with with absolutely nothing but emptiness in this cold and gray world.

....

Happiness.

That really was life's biggest joke, wasn't it?

Which meant someone like him who couldn't feel happiness at all.. 

...Must've been the punchline.

...

So why..

..Why.. was he..?

....

  


It had just been a few moments in a grocery store on the other side of town.

Just a few _measly_ seconds... and yet it had felt like a whole lifetime.

He completely lost his sense of self, staring at the human who was just a short walk away in the produce isle. You were looking down at some apples, examining their exteriors for any blemishes before placing them in a bag and adding them into your cart. 

You.. didn't even say anything. 

Stars, you didn't even _look_ at him! 

He was too far away, crouched beside some lettuce and holding a box of spaghetti noodles to his chest to bring back home for dinner.. and yet...

Yet..

...

Something.. 

...

He felt...

Something...

....

For the first time in years, he actually felt _something_.

  


....

"WHY IN THE WORLD DID YOU BUY SO MANY APPLES?"

A great question.

He hadn't even realized he grabbed them until check out, having nabbed all the apples you put back... and then grabbing the ones that those apples touched too...

..For.. some reason..

"heh. couldn't help myself i guess. they just looked so _apple-ling_." 

That was enough to let the subject matter drop, leaving Sans alone with a storm of thoughts brewing in his head about why exactly he was compelled to buy so many apples.

It's not like he particularly liked apples.

...Then again it's not like he hated them either.

....

...Did you.. like apples?

You had inspected them rather closely, and looking at them now in the kitchen in the dead of night with nothing but the hum and bright florescent light of the fridge beside him, there were a few noticeable brown spots.

Small and subtle, but definitely there. 

It was only slightly damaged, but still a perfectly good apple.

..Maybe you were just really enthusiastic about your apples?

Maybe you needed them to be pristine for something.

Like a pie?

Or maybe just to eat.

..Maybe you were a perfectionist.

...

....Or maybe you didn't like damaged goods.

  


....

He.. didn't quite understand why that last thought had bothered him so much at the time, quickly biting into the apple to quell the unpleasantness that brewed in his chest.

...

  
  


It tasted sour..

...

  


He also... didn't quite understand why he was doing..

This..

...

Maybe it's because he had spent so many sleepless nights thinking about that feeling.

It was like.. nothing he had ever experienced before.

Strong.

Compelling.

It's like he's been asleep for so long and now his soul finally snapped awake, a careful buzz in his chest he never realized until now.

It was like his body was moving on it's own.

There weren't any thoughts clouding his head, no conscious telling him what to do or where to go.

He was just.. trying... 

For.. some.. strange reason.

....

  


It was quiet, the sun having already set and the streetlights buzzing to life, casting a harsh yellow glow onto the buildings and sidewalks below. He had spent several weeks.. trying.. to catch a glimpse of you again at the same grocery store, desperately chasing that feeling that had sprung forth when he laid his eyelights on you. He tried his best to ignore the pull of his soul, telling him to go back, because the pain that had followed after that night while he sat alone on the kitchen floor surrounded by damaged, sour apples was..

 _Excruciating_..

Yet he went anyways, despite knowing what would come after seeing you again. For awhile he went in at the same time every day after porting over to this side of town, looking up and down the isles for the human who had made the world stand still. 

For the one who...

Made him feel.. something.

....

  


Days turned into weeks, and a part of him began losing hope of ever seeing you again. He even tried to change up his strategy, coming in at different times each day no matter what, even on weekends, and each and every time he'd leave empty handed.

...Except for a few more apples...

...

It was.. the only thing he knew about you.

Every part of him hoped that maybe the apples he would grab.. were ones that you had touched to inspect.

...

  


And... that's exactly when Sans knew he had a problem.

Here he was, trying to chase that something again.

If it was happiness he felt that day.. well he couldn't really tell for sure.

It had been so brief and so.. overwhelming that it made his head spin just thinking about it, but he longed so desperately to feel it again. He wanted those few brief seconds where he felt something else than just emptiness!

He just wanted a chance..

A chance to.. say something to yo-!

  
  


"Excuse me!"

  
  


...

..His soul nearly stopped.

He was far away at the end of the isle with his hood up and his hands neatly stuffed into his pockets, trying to make himself look invested in the cereal boxes in front of him.

A voice rang out... one that.. made his soul tremble.

And when he turned..

...

There.. you were...

..And, for the second time in his life, Sans' whole world stopped as he watched you politely talk to an elderly woman at the other end of the isle.

He.. didn't know what to do with himself.

He was completely frozen on the spot as he watched you wave to the woman and approach, closer and closer, your eyes perusing the same colorful boxes of cereal he has been trying to busy himself with.

...

Something..

...C'mon you numbskull, say something!

He had been camping this spot for weeks after he had first caught a glimpse of you, and now here you were!

Finally you were...! Here...!

And you were...

So..

...Captivating..

...

You stopped, just a few steps away from him, turning and carefully glancing over some of the cereal boxes on the shelf before you.

He could see you clearer than ever before. 

You looked soft.. and kind. 

The air around you smelled of fruit and flowers, and you lightly tapped your cheek as you contemplated the choices on the shelf before you. 

Your voice had been so gentle too.. he..

He wanted to talk to you.

He wanted to say something.

He wanted for you to.. talk to him too..

In that same gentle tone..

  


...

He turned a bit, a whole flood of words prepared to leave his mouth to catch your attention..

...

But nothing came.

...

He said nothing, his soul buzzing so loudly in his chest it was drowning everything else out as he stared at you. That something was brewing in his chest again and he was paralyzed on the spot from the overwhelming feeling..

...

And you grabbed a box..

...

And placed it into your cart.

....

And turned and walked away.

......

  
  


"......p-please.."

The rest of the words didn't come. 

You never could've heard them anyways, they barely came out to more than a whisper, his hand finally reaching out to grasp nothing but empty air because you were already long gone.

And so too, was that feeling.

It slipped, right through his fingers, like a gentle breeze that had lightly brushed his cheek and made itself known..

Before leaving him alone.. with nothing but the pain of feeling empty once more.

.....

  


No...

  


..He just.. 

  


...couldn't take it anymore.

  


...

  


So he ran.

Down the isle, through the produce section and past the registers, not even stopping as a human shouted at him on his way out.

Where...

Where did you..?!

The soft scent of flowers and fruit barely graced his nose, and he quickly took off in the same direction it came from.

You.. couldn't have gotten far..

  


..Please..

Please...!

  


"please don't go!"

He couldn't do this again.

The pain would be too much! 

He'd..!

He'd break.

He'd shatter.

He'd.. turn to dust!

He didn't want to be alone again!

Not like this..!

...It...!

It was all enough to nearly make him scream, and he wanted to at the top of his non-existent lungs as he thought he finally lost you, heavy breaths passing his teeth as he tried to ventilate his magic. His bones trembled and shook as he clutched his chest, the tears threatening to leave his sockets as he stood alone on those darkened streets, the yellow glow of streetlights his only companion.

"please... don't... leave me..!"

He didn't want to be alone anymore.

He didn't want to feel empty.

He didn't want to be damaged and sour.

He just... 

..wanted to feel...

...Happiness again...

...

  


His legs gave out, leaving him crouched alone on the sidewalk as he tried to quell the sob that threatened to break loose. His soul twisted and churned in a fit of agony that threatened to have him falling apart, desperately calling out..

To you.

To the human who he didn't even know the name of.

...Just once more..

Please.. just once more he wanted to see you!

He had so much he wanted to say.

He had so many questions for you!

Who were you?

What was your name?

Why... 

Why did you.. make him feel this way?

Please.. just.. one more chance!

Just one more..!

  
  


"Wait!"

  
  


....

No that..

That can't-

  
  


"I said wait, please!"

  
  


....

He looked up, much farther down the street as something white darted around the corner, and soon after you were stumbling behind it.

A white dog paused and quickly turning around, their tail wagging as you caught up out of breath.

"You little-!" you huffed, puffing your cheeks in a bit of irritation before letting out a small sigh. "Please give me back my key you cute little troublemaker. Pleeeeaaaasseee."

The dog yipped once, tail still wagging but they remained unmoving as you let out another huff.

"Alright, fine," you said, reaching into the brown paper bag of groceries you were carrying. You pulled out a small container of cookies and squatted to the ground, pulling one out and offering it towards the dog. "Fair trade?"

It was, as a distinctive clink rang out after something hit the ground, and the dog quickly rushed over to you to take the cookie from your grasp. You giggled, and even took a moment to gently pet the dog's head before standing up and grabbing your key.

Your eyes wandered up to glance around the empty street, nothing but a few passing cars to catch your attention before you turned back to the dog.

"Try to keep yourself out of more trouble, okay?"

...Every word you spoke rang into his soul. 

Soft and gentle... a warmth that washed over his cold bones like a ray of sunshine.

You didn't even sound angry at the dog even after it took your key...

He.. couldn't see what you were doing anymore after he ported into an alleyway, clutching tightly on to his sweater as a few more ragged breaths passed through his teeth while his soul spiraled out of control.

This was... his chance.. wasn't it?

To do.. something.

As to what exactly, he wasn't sure. 

But you were here.. and he..

...

  


Followed.. quietly behind you.

That storm of thoughts brewing in his head all but silenced, his body just moving forward of it's own will as he watched a fair distance behind you. 

Out of the alleyway.

Past the dog.

And.. all the way home.

You never looked back the whole way, and it wasn't long before you turned and headed up the walkway to a quaint looking apartment building. Despite how much he wanted to keep following.. he instead slipped into another alleyway as he watched you head inside, vanishing away from sight inside.

....

And... he was alone again.

....

Except for...

....

  


"...were you captivated by them too?" 

His words were quiet as he glanced down to the white dog who happily wagged their tail by his feet. They yipped as Sans crouched down and lightly stroked it's head, and the dog seemed more than happy as it leaned into his touch for a moment. 

The pain was back since you vanished from his sight.. but somehow it felt duller than before.

Much more manageable.

He still hadn't said anything to you, and you probably still didn't even knew he existed but..

Here was an opportunity.

A chance.

"thank you," he said quietly to the dog, standing up. "you should probably head home now though, hm? it seems like.." 

The small smile on his face had faded, eyesockets narrowing carefully as hugged the brick wall beside him a bit closer and peeked out, his gaze drifting from the apartment complex..

..to the shadow in another alleyway across the street that had been creeping behind you most of your way home.

He clenched his fists tightly, the bones in his hand creaking as another strange feeling overcame his soul, watching as the human mugger hesitated for a moment before stepping out alleyway into the open. 

"....there are wolves out this late at night."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"Wow. You know for someone who says they can't bake this pie looks amazing!"

"..thanks," he said, lightly flushing as you smiled at him. 

He had carefully handed the bowl over to you as you sat on the couch, the apple pie still warm with a small scoop of vanilla ice cream on the side lightly melting. Your eyes practically sparkled and Sans’s soul sang in response, loving the way they shined.

"Thank yo-" you began, before giggling at the white furball in your lap who was roused from their nap by the scent of cinnamon and vanilla. "Hey! This isn't for you!"

That didn't stop the dog from letting out a yip, making the both of you laugh as Sans lifted up the blanket and sat beside you. He scooted just a bit closer, enjoying the warm you provided as the two of you snuggled on the couch while the tv played. The dog moved, wiggling to sit on both of your laps while shooting Sans a big pair of puppy dog eyes at his bowl of pie.

"ya heard them, chance. none for you."

Chance whined, sliding back over into your lap as Sans snickered.

"oh i see. no longer the favorite, am i?"

"Aww, it's okay," you said, leaning over to gently kiss his cheek. "You'll always be my favorite."

....

This was.. enough for him.

Being here, with you, warm under some blankets as the two of you happily ate some apple pie together.

...It was sweet... and.. it was enough.

Enough for that funny, fluttering feeling to find it's way right back into his soul.

Your smile.

Your words.

Your love.

That was happiness, for him.

And... 

He would gladly do _anything_ to protect it.


	2. cracks ft. beast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this next chapter is about my underfell sans, beast, who's has a wip fic here on ao3 which you can check out [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26000545/chapters/63215275)!

Beauty.

.....

..There were very few things that came to Sans' mind when thinking of that word.

After all he was probably the last person who should be havin’ an opinion on anything based on looks, but still.. a few things always came to mind.

Like the stars, of course.

And the sky.

Those things were beautiful.

..It also made him think of other things like..

  


Having a full day to do absolutely nothing, which was always great.

Or better yet a freshly made burger from Grillby’s, complete with the works and extra mustard.

Now _that_ was a real thing of beauty.

  


...

It... also made him think of...

  


...Roses.. as corny as that was. 

  
  


Sans never thought he'd come around to admiring flowers after living in that snowy and lifeless town all his life... and after one flower in particular gave him a hell of a lot of trouble.. but hey, living topside had certainly gave him a whole fucking list of surprises.

..Like.. 

The most recent addition to the small list of things he found beautiful.

  


...

  


...Which was you...

  


....

  


Even now thinking about you and that gentle glow of your soul made him tremble, and how just the single word ‘beautiful’ came to mind when he laid his eyelights upon you.

And that's.. certainly something he'd never expected to think about a human...

  


He was a Fell after all, and to them... appearance was everything. 

From the clothes you wore, to the way you looked, everything single last detail about you was judged. That's because the very first lesson all Fell monster children were taught was that in this world, it was kill or be killed. 

The people around them were not friends. 

They were not neighbors or allies. 

They were competition, tools and objects to be used to elevate themselves into a position of strength and status so that they may one day be considered worthy living in the eyes of their king. The Underground was their prison, and the other monsters who were also unfortunate enough to be born in that fucking hellhole with them were their test...

So.. Would you kill, or would you be killed..?

Obviously, many bared their teeth and claws to survive. 

  


Life was a gift reserved only for the strong.

Weakness was a disease that was to be purged, and their king had entrusted his people to enact such a cleansing in his stead. For every monster to be given such a power over one another shaped their entire Underground into the dusty inferno that it was, eating it's people and their hope alive in it's cleaning flames. Only the brave and the mighty could prevail in that nightmare, and those who failed to prove themselves capable of even defending themselves from other monsters were... unfit.. to become warriors worthy of one day taking down humanity.

..So they were dusted.. 

And their EXP was the reward for those who did the deed, only making the strong, stronger...

...

For them, there was only value in strength.

In EXP.

In.. LOVE.

Emotions were a handicap.

Kindness was vulnerability.

There was only happiness to be found in being more powerful that everyone else around you.

There was only a future for you if you could prove yourself to everyone that you were worthy of getting to live another day by pushing all of that other unnecessary bullshit down, like feelings or regret, and killing everyone around you so that you could survive in that unending hell...! 

..But.. 

...Such stats like EXP and LV were usually hidden to the naked eye. Unless a monster was born with the very rare ability to see stats with their sight, the only way to see those stats was checking through an encounter, and at that point it would be much too late. Even the smallest of creatures, with innocent smiles and bright shiny eyes, could be hiding something truly sinister beneath.

So, what better way to prove yourself and show off how strong you were than with scars.

Scars were the physical, undeniable proof of your mettle and determination. They were the marks across your fur, skin or scales that showed you had fought someone and walked away, which was quite the feat considering that under the king's decree, no encounter was ever allowed to end without a single winner and one pile of dust... 

  


....

  
  


..The more scars you had the better, because it meant you were strong. 

They were complimented, sought after and coveted above everything else for the Fell. Anyone with half a working soul would know it was fucking stupid to fight someone who looked tougher than you, so those with more scars got to live more peaceful lives. 

They didn't have to live in fear of being picked off for just looking weak.. 

Those with scars were respected. 

They were admired. 

They were made out to be the pinnacle of a your existence.

And many in their desperation to be considered strong, began inflicted wounds upon themselves to get a taste of that life. They began scarring up their bodies just so that others would think that they too were worthy of living too.

It really was..

..Awful.

What an awful way to live.

What an awful thing to go through!

What an.. awful thing to be the product of.

  


But.. it had been their reality.. and it shaped the person San had grown to be.

  


That's why he could only wonder why his head was spinning with thoughts of you. 

  


A human. 

Soft. 

Small. 

Someone who laid all of their emotions bare when they struck a cord on their guitar, opening their heart up for a moment and just letting it all go.

  


You were the complete and total opposite of someone like him.

Huge.

Ugly.

And.. very guarded.

He had spent most of his life actively pushing others away from him. 

He had to, so he could protect himself. 

So many monsters had weaponized feelings like love and attraction in their favor to get other monsters to let their guard down, and he wasn't about to become a pile of dust just because he was fucking lonely. One thing he promised himself about going through that hell was that he wouldn't let his emotions get the better of him.

He still had someone he cared for after all, and he didn’t want to leave his brother to live out that nightmare alone. 

..The only reason they were both still here today was because they had each other..

So, he convinced himself he wasn't interested in romance.

It'd only bring unnecessary trouble. 

He'd have no datemates, no interests, and most certainly..

No soulmate.

He was already convinced he didn't have one anyways, but he always swore to himself that if he found them he wouldn't let himself get sappy over it like some other idiots did.

The most he'd ever let himself do is spend a night trying to forget the fact that he was trapped in this fucking nightmare with another monster and that was it. There was no sense getting attached, someone would just turn and use that feeling against him in the end.

...

...And yet.. 

...He had spent all those years building up a wall... 

And then just completely turned around and allowed himself to fall head over heels with one beautiful little human.

....

  


The skeleton let out a small groan, pinching the bridge of his nasal bone while shaking his head at the mirror. The steam from his shower was still clinging to the edges, but he could still see his dumbass reflection clear as day even in the dark.

Just... what the fuck was he doing?

...

  


..Setting himself up for soulbreak, that's what.

There's no way in hell a human could ever love a Fell, especially one like him.  
There was a reason they called him Beast! What you saw was what you got, and the crack in his skull should've been proof enough of how broken he was.

There was no sparkling personality and certainly no handsome prince hiding underneath all this

..It was just him..

....

Staring at his reflection for so long in the mirror made him want to break the damn thing, but he really didn't want to get another skull full from Papyrus from doing it twice in the same month.

' _JUST SHOWER IN THE DARK SO YOU DON'T SEE YOUR REFLECTION IF YOU HATE IT THAT MUCH YOU IDIOT!_ '

...

Right. Yeah.. Sure..

A very simple solution to a _very_ simple problem.

It's not like he's been struggling with self image already since his childhood days, especially considering he had only been born with 1 HP, 1 ATK and 1 DEF.

..Heh. Still made him laugh, thinking about it now.

  


...

..It.. must've been a joke, right? 

..To be born with stats like those? 

Surely whoever was running this gig was laughing their fucking ass off about it too, sending this sorry sack of bones out into a violent world with one miserable point of fucking HP.

  


...

...Well, he certainly hopes whoever cursed himself to such a fate also found it all funny..

..'Cause he was going to beat the shit out of them if he ever found them..

...

  


Most of his childhood had been spent in fear due to that knowledge.

Fear of the day he would finally enter an encounter.

The day when someone, somewhere out there would realize he had been the easiest target of all, and that just one strike would be enough for his pathetic little life to come to an end. Then he'd end up being nothing more than a pitiful pile of dust and a few meager points of EXP to someone else, and that would be the end of Sans the skeleton.

...

It would’ve been a fitting existence for a monster only born with those kinds of stats.

...

..He really thought that there was.. no way someone like him could ever be strong. 

There was no chance in hell he'd ever survive down there. 

...A part of him wished he never even knew.

Maybe life would've been so scary down there if he had just never known he only had only 1 HP to hang on to.

..Maybe.. he wouldn't of turned out this way...

...

  


In the end it would've be painless.

With only 1 HP it'd just take one hit and then it'd be all over.

One hit and he'd be done.

One hit and he'd be free.

....

  


It was an.. accident, the first time he activated his sight magic. He was still just a kid, standing up on a stepping stool and practicing scary faces in the mirror. He remembers it startled the absolute stars out of him when it happened since he was just trying to change the color of his white eyelights to be more threatening, but instead he...

..Well.. when he gazed back into the mirror his eyelights were definitely red.

And he could definitely see it, clear as day. 

  


"Sans"  
LV 1  
HP 1/1  
ATK 1  
DEF 1

  


......

...

...

"ya've.. gotta be jokin'.. right..?"

He remembers the silence that followed after saying that, nobody around to respond to him. Nobody was there to reassure him that'd it'd be alright. No one was there to support or care for him, or to help him through the fear settling into his bones. 

Really... it must've been a joke, right? 

That couldn't.. really be his stats.. right?

  


The phrase came out a second time, and then several more, each and every time the words picking up momentum as the maelstrom of feelings brewed in his chest louder and louder. It swished and swirled, sucking up his thoughts one by one and the whole room felt like it was spinning around him. He wanted to look away, his red eyelights unable to gaze at anything but his stats, even as the tears came to his eyesockets.

..No..

  


It couldn't.. 

  


It just.. couldn't!

  


....

...How.. 

..How was he suppose to be strong with those kinds of stats?! 

  


He _had_ to be strong!

He told Papyrus every morning and every night that he was strong!

He told his brother that he'd be become most powerful monster in the whole damn Underground, that way they didn't have to live in a shoddy broken down house!

That way they could live their lives free of worry!

That way they didn't..

  


...have to be.. 

  


....so scared anymore..

  


...

How.. how was he suppose to be survive..

  


With only 1 HP..?

His fists clenched, the reality of it all setting in as the number remained unchanged no matter how much he begged and pleaded. The fear melted away into anger, shooting through ever inch of his body like someone had ignited a fire through his bones. It spread rapidly, clouding his mind in a hazy and hateful fog as he stared at the number.

He couldn't think. 

  


All he could see was 1 HP.

  


1 HP.

1 HP.

1 HP.

...One hit is all it took to break the mirror.

His fist connected and the glass shattered, small shards flying everywhere as he screamed out in frustration. The tears fell and he yelled again, unable to handle the heat of his hatred as he sobbed alone in the bathroom. Soon a few deep breaths left his mouth followed by a string of curses, the pain in his hand causing him to reel back a bit and inspect it through his tears. Small scrapes littered his phalanges from the impact, his hand now buzzing with a dull pain as he clutched it and glanced back up at the mirror.

His once clear reflection was distorted by twisted and ugly cracks, scattering and creating a broken image of himself.

One hit was all it took for the mirror to become break.

One hit.. and it..

...Shattered.

...Just like..

  


He would.. 

  


....

Imagine his surprise when he didn't.

...

He took a blow.. and lived.

And.. it became the very first scar he had ever earned..

...

....And he.. _hated_ it.

  


He hated it what it did to him. He hated what it stood for. He hated the way it traveled up his dumb fucking face, always catching everyone's attention. He hated the fact that he got complimented about it back in the Underground. He hates how it's become his defining feature. He hated to how it lead to so many more scars, so many more battles, and so much more EXP, washing away his once poor stats in a wave of dust and bloating them to.. terrifying numbers.

He just..

  


Hated it.

  


...

Like how he hated himself.

  


...

..Ugh.

Great. Now his head was swishing around with self-deprecating thoughts about the present _and_ the past, which he really didn't need right now. If he started acting depressed again he'd be given another certified Papyrus pep talk, and as much as he loved that egotistical bonehead he really didn't need to hear his brother prattle on for hours about his 'good qualities' and how their 'past doesn't define them'.

He sighed a final time before pulling a sweater over his head, feeling it catch and snag on some of his rougher breaks and notches on his bones. He stomped out of the bathroom, rubbing the back of his skull in frustration at himself for allowing one human to get his thoughts swishing around that broken head of his.

  


..Well.. 

It's not like he could've done anything else to prevent this. He had already steeled his emotions back when he realized how pathetic his stats had been, but all that had work just practically vanished the moment he laid his eyelights on you.

  


..It had.. only been a brief second too. 

He had just been trailing down a runaway client after they missed their third payment. The brothers had a three strike policy, which was.. a little generous for Sans' taste but hey, he was just the brawn here not the brains, so three strikes it was... 

This idiot was already on his shit list for taking advantage of their generosity and missing a third fucking payment, but then they had the fuckin' nerve to run. If there was one thing Sans hated, it was a runner.

..It was just kinda pointless, ya know? All it did was delay the inevitable and give him more work to do, as if his days weren't filled to fucking the brim with shit already. Seriously, it's like these humans had no fucking consideration for a busy skeleton like himself...

  


Assholes. 

  


Still, they ran and he gave 'chase'. All he had to do was keep shortcutting as he anticipated their every step, catching them off-guard and sent them bolting off in another direction. Bastard was slippery though and having already spent most of the day working Sans’ aim was a little off. It was becoming more and more infuriating until he nearly managed to corner the bastard.

What he did not expect was for his little runaway to dive into a busy, shitty looking bar like somehow they'd lose him in there.

..And to be fair, they did.. for a moment...

..When his eyelights landed upon you, after taking just a few small steps inside.

  


...

  


You were beautiful.. 

....That was the only thought he had.

  


...

The lights had casted you into an angelic glow up on that stage, illuminating your form in a soft shade of yellow as you bobbed and swayed to the music. A small yet sweet smile was gracing your lips, your soul shining so brightly in the crowd that it was like a flame, and he was just a dumb fucking moth drawing ever closer. 

..Then you struck a cord on your guitar... 

...and it reverberated into his very soul.

  


It was.. so sad.

And a little lonely...

Tired.

Overworked.

Underpaid.

And... 

Free.

  


...

  


He had been so completely entranced by you that it almost felt like you put him under some kind of spell. Never in his life had he been so captivated by anyone, fully admitting to himself now that he would've just scooped you up right on the spot and fled off into the night if given the chance. 

..And.. a part of him was still wishing he had..

...

  


...The seconds had ticked away as he watched you perform, giving enough time for that rat to slip out the back and out into the night.

  


Shame that little bastard never made it very far in the end, but the whole fiasco had left Sans' head buzzing with the human who had completely stopped him in his tracks for what felt like an eternity now. You had looked so serene up there and he couldn't stop the fluttering of his soul in his chest every time he thought about you.

And he was thinking about you a lot.

...Which is exactly why he was also so annoyed with himself.

...

  


...Argh fucking.. damn it all..!

At least if he was only thinking pervy things he could let it slide as feeling lonely again, but no! Not a single perverted thought had crossed his stupid fucking head about you! It was all mundane shit, like wanting to see you smile like that again or maybe just getting a single chance to talk to you. Instead of spending his free time relaxing, he was just sitting around daydreaming about how beautiful your voice must be too and how much he just wanted to.. see you again!!

Ahh! What the fuck was wrong with him!

Just where the hell was all of this coming from, huh!?

It's like you were pulling something outta him that shoulda never been there in the first place..!

  


...How fucking dare you..!

....

  


...How dare you.. 

  


Do this to him..

  


...

  


It was too late for.. someone like him, with sullied hands and scars, to be thinking like this..

  


....

  


The only thing he deserved was to be a lonely fucking bastard.

If... you ever came anywhere close to him he'd just.. sully you too...

  


And yet.. despite knowing that he..

  


Just wanted a chance.

  


Just one, to see you again..

  


And maybe.. talk to you...

Just one single chance..

....Please...

And if you went off screaming into the night like he figured you would then..

  


That’d be the end of it.

  


He’d snuff out that little flame of hope inside his soul, and then he’d live out his lonely days hating his stupid reflection ..

..Like he deserved...

"..Okay." 

....

You.. said yes. 

Stars above you had said yes, he..! 

He couldn’t help but smile in response as his while body felt lighter than air. Although your first meeting wasn’t at all like he had hoped you were..

Here.

And right now he has a chance..

"heh. cool.. cool.. the names sans, doll. or my friends sometimes call me beast."

...

"...Pffft ehehe..!"

You laughed and somehow.. he wasn’t angry in the slightest.

"wow, really gonna take a punch at my pride like that, huh?" he asked.

"Sorry! Sorry, sorry..!" you apologized between giggles. "It's really nice to meet you Sans!" 

You introduced yourself to him, although he already learned your name a long ago.

But to hear you say his name like that..

Well....

"real nice ta meet you too, doll."

That flame of hope in his soul was flickering ever stronger...

That perhaps.. a Beauty really could love a Beast.


	3. words ft. prince

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> making his first official debut on ao3 is my version of underswap sans named prince! he has no fic yet and has only been lightly referenced in the series but i do post about him a whole bunch on my tumblr which you can find right [here](https://alch3mic.tumblr.com/)!

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words shall never hurt me.

....

_Bullshit _.__

__...Whoever came up with that stupid rhyme must've never heard a cruel word spoken to them in their life!_ _

__..._ _

__...Or maybe they were trying to sell themselves the world's biggest lie..._ _

__....Because... words.. hurt._ _

__

__They snapped._ _

__They _stung_._ _

__They **burned**._ _

__They engraved themselves upon his bones as permanent reminder of his worth._ _

__

__"Coward."_ _

__"Freak!"_ _

__"Idiot."_ _

__"Weirdo."_ _

__

__They sloshed and swirled inside his skull, drowning him in the waves of their meaning, pulling him down further and further with their weight like an anchor tied to his legs. They sang like a horrid symphony that refused to let him rest, violins screeching their painful notes while the drums bellowed out their laughter at him._ _

__It was so loud._ _

__So loud._ _

__So.. damn.. loud...!_ _

__He..!_ _

__Couldn't think._ _

__He couldn't breathe, he was...!_ _

__...._ _

__...Shaking._ _

__He could hear his bones rattling as an accompaniment to the symphony of word in his head, his eyelights refusing to focus and the world practically became a blur around him. Every single thing was fading from his sight. The colors, the shapes, all of it falling away as the sounds sang louder and louder, drowning everything else out. The air felt putrid with every breath he tried to take in, making him want to gag on the horrid taste of it all._ _

__

__"...ns.."_ _

__

__..Why.._ _

__Why did he think he could do this..!_ _

__After... what they said to him..!_ _

__After everything they.. they..!_ _

__..No..._ _

__No..!_ _

__He was..!_ _

__

__"......ans..!"_ _

__

__His teeth were chattering._ _

__Clicking._ _

__Tapping._ _

__Adding to the unending concert of syllables as they picked up their pace and momentum. They were hitting their high point, the music of words becoming louder.. and faster and..!  
His soul was pounding so painfully too, he feared it might just burst from his ribcage._ _

__

__"sans!"_ _

__

__Panic._ _

__He was panicking and.. and..!_ _

__He needed to..!_ _

__..._ _

__..Papyrus.._ _

__..._ _

__He could barely make out his brother's features anymore, his name becoming lost to the noises eating him alive._ _

__

__What was he saying...?_ _

__

__' _breathe._ '_ _

__

__No.. he.. he couldn't.._ _

__He was choking._ _

__Coughing._ _

__Sputtering._ _

__The air was refusing to enter his body anymore no matter how hard he tried._ _

__The air was just too..!_ _

__He.. he couldn't..!_ _

__His magic was buzzing as it couldn't ventilate properly, straining and pulling against him, making his head spin further out of control._ _

__

__He.._ _

__

__He couldn't do this._ _

__

__He.. wasn't.. strong enough.._ _

__

__"You're.. not the person I once knew."_ _

__

__The words they were.._ _

__They were going to.. swallow him whole._ _

__

__"Look at what you've become!"_ _

__"What's happened to you, Sans?"_ _

__

__He doesn't know._ _

__He doesn't know!_ _

__He doesn't-!_ _

__

__"You're nothing but a shadow of yourself now."_ _

__

__No-! He's-!_ _

__He's still here!_ _

__He's still himself!_ _

__He's just-!_ _

__Just...!_ _

__

__"W-w-why di-did you... b-become l-like...this..?"_ _

__

__How the hell was he suppose to know!!_ _

__

__"...How.. disappointing.."_ _

__

__The words were.._ _

__Breaking him._ _

__

__It hurt._ _

__It hurt._ _

__It hurt!_ _

__It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! It hurt!_ _

__

__"sans!"_ _

__No.. please.._ _

__..Not him too._ _

__Please.. he.._ _

__Couldn't take it anymore._ _

__

__It was too loud it..!_ _

__It hurt too much.. he... he had to get away!_ _

__He had to get away..!_ _

__From this!_ _

__From them!_ _

__From those people he thought were...!_ _

__

__Just... get away...!_ _

__GET AWAY FROM HIM!_ _

__GET AWAY!_ _

__GET AWAY!_ _

__GET AWAY!_ _

__

__....._ _

__And so he ran._ _

__...._ _

__Or... he tried, until his brother caught his arm._ _

__"sans! wait, please-!"_ _

__But he snatched his arms back, not wanting to hear anything anymore._ _

__He just couldn't..._ _

__

__..Take anymore words..._ _

__

__....._ _

__

__So he fled..._ _

__

__Out of the room._ _

__

__Down the hall._ _

__

__And away from those people..._ _

__...._ _

__His shoes were stomping against the floor as the tears filled his eyesockets, making the once blurry world a complete mess of runny colors and odd shapes._ _

__How stupid was he... to believe he was strong enough to face them._ _

__After everything they went through._ _

__After everything they said-!_ _

__..He was.._ _

__...._ _

__He was still a coward._ _

__...._ _

__And so he fled, like cowards do, every bone in his body screaming at him to just keep going far, far away from the source of those painful word._ _

__From the people who.. he thought he trusted, a long time ago._ _

__Who he thought would understand, but in the end they..._ _

__...._ _

__..Mocked him.._ _

__

__

__

__"The sky?"_ _

__

__He still remembers the disbelief on their features._ _

__

__"Wait.. seriously? That's why you've been hiding inside? You're scared of the sky?"_ _

__

__...Yes..._ _

__

__"Sans it can't hurt you. Everything fine."_ _

__

__...He.. knows that..._ _

__

__"Then why?"_ _

__

__He.. doesn't know...._ _

__

__"I can't believe this!"_ _

__

__He.. can't either.._ _

__..What was..._ _

__...What was wrong with him?_ _

__

__"You're nothing like the skeleton I knew before."_ _

__

__..No.. he' still.._ _

__...Here.._ _

__

__"What happened to him?"_ _

__

__He doesn't know..!_ _

__Stop.. talking to him like he's someone else..!_ _

__He's right here!_ _

__He's still right here!_ _

__Why are they...?_ _

__

__"What happened to the 'Wonderful' and 'Magnificent' Sans?"_ _

__

__**HE DOESN'T KNOW! ******__

********

********

__

__....._ _

__

__...He just... doesn't... know anymore._ _

__

__...._ _

__..Just like now, he didn't know where he was running to._ _

__He didn't have much of a destination in mind, just that he had to go._ _

__He just wanted to get.. away.._ _

__

__"ˢᵃⁿˢ!"_ _

__

__Just get away..._ _

__Away from this._ _

__From the pain._ _

__From the looks on their damned faces as they spoke those hurtful words that tore his mind and soul apart piece by piece._ _

__They treated him like he wasn't aware of what he's become!_ _

__As if he didn't wish with every damn fiber of magic in his body that he wasn't like this!_ _

__A coward!_ _

__A disappointment!_ _

__An idiot who's so afraid of the open world around him that he couldn't even step outside anymore!_ _

__

__He-!_ _

__He wanted to go back._ _

__He wanted to go back...! He wanted to go back!_ _

__He wanted to go back to who he was, before all of this but..!_ _

__...._ _

__The person he once was... was gone..._ _

__

__..He vanished into thin air the moment he took one look up at that sky on that fateful day.._ _

__

__...And the terror he felt had almost swallowed him whole...._ _

__

__..Or maybe it did.. and all that was left was a husk of a skeleton who use to have more confidence than he knew what to do with._ _

__Now the simplest of words could.. break him._ _

__And that.. was the hardest thing of all to accept._ _

__....That somewhere along the way he had.._ _

__..._ _

__...changed._ _

__

__

__And so.. like a coward he ran, wanting to hide somewhere no one would find him so he could lay there for all of eternity without a single thought in his head until he dusted. He was tired of this. He was tired of feeling this way! He was tired of them and these walls and that damned sky that struck fear into his bones every time he looked at it._ _

__Why..?_ _

__Why..!?_ _

__Why couldn't he be.. him?!_ _

__Where did he go?_ _

__When did he lose himself..?_ _

__Who..._ _

__..Who was he...?_ _

__

__The quiet hallways threatened to split his head open as his thoughts poured all over the place, causing his soul to spasm and spiral out of control while he desperately tried to breathe in, but the air still refused to enter his lungs._ _

__He needed something..!_ _

__Something to replace the noise..!_ _

__All of his hiding spots were inside and if he stewed in his thoughts much longer he really was going to come undone!_ _

__He just needed.. something..._ _

__Anything..!_ _

__Make it stop._ _

__Make it stop!_ _

__MAKE IT STOP!_ _

__

___Woosh_._ _

__...._ _

__He drew in a heavy breath, all at once the scent of rain hitting his nasal bone and the sounds of water hitting the roof, disrupting the symphony._ _

__Softly._ _

__Gently._ _

__Then harder, tapping and thundering against the roof as it..._ _

__Washed away the words inside is head._ _

__...._ _

__...But they were still singing._ _

__Even the sounds weren't enough.. he..._ _

__Glanced further down the hall, to a set of doors that led..._ _

__..Outside..._ _

__..._ _

__..._ _

__

__He swallowed, desperately chasing the harmony that made all the words fade away and taking a few careful steps towards it..._ _

__"ˢᵃⁿˢ!"_ _

__

__....._ _

__

__Before running off._ _

__...._ _

__..Right through the doors, throwing them open with what strength he had left and letting them close behind him as he bolted out into the rain._ _

__It splattered and splashed against the tile, filling his head with nothing but their sounds as the droplets tapped against his empty skull. That tight burst of energy was fading from his chest, gradually falling further and further away as the fatigue set into his bones and he slowed down._ _

__He finally come to a stop in the middle of the garden._ _

__Gasping and heaving, he finally managed to take in some fresh air that filled his body with its cold embrace and overwhelmed his humming soul with relief. The rattling of his bones ceased... and soon he gained control over his breaths, willing his legs to take just a few more tiny strides further out to where no one could find him._ _

__Out, past the normal confines of the garden and into some rose bushes..._ _

__..._ _

__He was.. exhausted.._ _

__Glancing around, the normally pink flowers scattered along the bushes were diluted by the cloudy skies above and harsh rain that thundered all around them. His shirt now stuck to his bones, sending a chill down his spine and making him feel heavy but.. he didn't care._ _

__The symphony had silenced.. leaving him.._ _

__..Empty..._ _

__...and alone._ _

__...._ _

__..Eventually it was all to much as his legs gave out, sitting down to the muddy ground and placing his skull on his knees as the world continued to rain down on him._ _

__

__And it poured._ _

__And it poured._ _

__And it poured._ _

__

__All alone in the garden, without a single thought in his head, Sans suffered._ _

__The pain of it all marched on in his bones, gripping and grinding, threatening to break him apart bit by bit._ _

__It hurt so badly and yet.._ _

__Yet there were no sticks, and no stones._ _

__Just words.. and the marks they had left on his soul._ _

__

__And it hurt._ _

__And it hurt._ _

__And it hurt._ _

__

__And he was sure he would finally just break..._ _

__

__And his soul would finally give in.._ _

__

__And he'd come undone at the seams._ _

__

__And..._ _

__

__It.. stopped.....?_ _

__He could still hear the sounds of the rain all around him, crashing and thundering upon the bushes and muddy grass, but it stopped tapping against his skull and instead began hitting something... else._ _

__

__An umbrella..?_ _

__

__Sans picked his head slowly, still having so little energy after his fit of panic and looked up._ _

__

__You smiled at him sweetly as you stood beside him, holding up an umbrella above as the world continuing its downpour._ _

__..Ah..._ _

__

__...You.._ _

__

__....sat down.. right beside him in the mud, sheltering the both of you under the clear plastic umbrella as you glancing up at the clouded sky with a small look of peace on your features._ _

__

__..Not a single word uttered from your lips._ _

__..Instead you sat by him.._ _

__And even in the dull and grey world around you both.._ _

__He swore he could see your eyes shine._ _

__

__

__He.. didn't know what to say._ _

__The words just didn't come._ _

__Normally his whole head would be buzzing of things to blurt when you were around, but they were all washed away with the rain._ _

__..._ _

__..But maybe he didn't need to say.. anything._ _

__At least not right now.._ _

__So slowly he let go of the tension in his chest, relaxing his shoulders and taking a few deep breaths as his eyelights also hesitantly traveled to the sky above. That once endless blue abyss was now covered under a patchwork of gray clouds making that ceaseless void just.. disappear._ _

__In a way he almost felt like he was back underneath the mountain again and.. a strange form of peace also found its way to his soul._ _

__...As did the tears._ _

__Quietly they gathered, because even when the words weren't present in his mind.. his body still ached from the pain that they had caused. Somehow it even felt worse than any sticks, stones or even broken bones. Nobody could believe how much he was hurting because there were no physical wounds, just the throb left in his soul from their brutality. They ached in a way that couldn't be healed by magic... in a way that couldn't be explained or cured.._ _

__It's clear that they had.. no idea what they were doing to him anymore._ _

__How badly their words had hurt him, because he tried to hide it all under fake smiles._ _

__He wasn't.. unbreakable anymore._ _

__Somewhere along the way.. he had become so fragile..._ _

__And yet they still stacked all of their expectations on top of him._ _

__...Then they mocked him when he just couldn't keep up..._ _

__...._ _

__He.._ _

__...blinked once, catching something on his peripheral vision and glancing towards you again._ _

__Carefully you held out a handkerchief to him._ _

__....That was.._ _

__The same one he gave you... those few months ago, when those delicate tears had been falling from your eyes._ _

__...._ _

__"...I..." he began softly, tearing away his gaze for a moment as a wave of embarrassment washed over him at his current state._ _

__He was a complete mess with his shirt coming undone, soaked to the bone and his eyesockets brimming with tears._ _

__"..THANK YOU.."_ _

__All this time he had built himself up to you as a perfect prince._ _

__He was so desperate for you to.. see him as that...._ _

__Kind, strong, charming.. and most of all brave._ _

__..And.. now he's tarnished all that hard work by running and crying in the rose bushes like a coward. Still, he tried to gather what remained of that broken image and took the handkerchief from your hands, wiping away his eyesockets._ _

__Heh..._ _

__He really was pathetic wasn't he..?_ _

__And.. a liar._ _

__....And you.._ _

__Must surely hate him now._ _

__

__"...FORGIVE ME, MY DEAR.. I JUST.."_ _

__

__The words left again as the rain stole them all away with their pitter and pattering..._ _

__

__"It's okay," you said softly gifting him that gentle smile of yours again. "There's no need to apologize or explain yourself to me."_ _

__

__..Why..?_ _

__Everyone else practically demanded an explanation out of him._ _

__Why was he like this?_ _

__Why did he lock himself up inside?_ _

__...Surely you wanted to know too right?_ _

__So, why were you..?_ _

__

__You didn't say anything else.._ _

__

__And neither did he._ _

__

__So the two of you sat quietly in the middle of the rose bushes as the world poured out it's tears all around you for what felt like a small eternity._ _

__

__Until he stood up suddenly and pocketed that handkerchief._ _

__"..Sans..?"_ _

__He smiled at you rather sadly, but offered his hand. You clearly look up at him a little confused and a bit worried, but didn't hesitate to take it as he helped you stand up as well. The both of you were coated in mud now and the refreshing rain began tapping on his skull once again._ _

__"..Did you want to go back..?"_ _

__"...NO," he said softly, taking a moment to admire then gentleness in your expression. "BUT STRANGELY I DON'T FEEL MUCH LIKE SITTING IN THE MUD AND CRYING ANYMORE EITHER.. SO.."_ _

__The words threatened to leave again, but he shook his head and steeled his resolve._ _

__"WOULD YOU DANCE WITH ME?"_ _

__..He couldn't help but love that surprised look on your face..._ _

__..But he loved it even more when you smiled at him, and without a single moment hesitation you threw the umbrella to the ground and let the rain begin to douse you too. He lightly took your hand in his, placing the other on the wonderful curve of your hip as you put your free hand on his shoulder. The two of you fell into an easy and comfortable rhythm, the same one the two of you always fell into when you danced, with nothing but the downpour to accompany you as you swayed._ _

__Just like with the rain, you always brought such an easiness to his soul._ _

__You were always so refreshing and calm, and with you it always seemed like his troubles were so far away. A part of him really believed he could just be himself around you.._ _

__..Perhaps that's why he's always so desperate to hide it all behind charming smiles and lavish words.._ _

__He didn't want to.. scare you away._ _

__He didn't want you to look at him in that way everyone else did._ _

__He wanted to keep you right here, with the rain dousing you both as your clothes stuck to your form, with wet hair and a sweet and gentle smile that was reserved just for him._ _

__...._ _

__..He.._ _

__He wanted this to be the fairytale he always read about as a babybones..._ _

__With a truly happy ending..._ _

__And he really thought he had it now that he had you with him here..._ _

__No longer a friend just visiting, but... you now called his place your home._ _

__And you gave him your love._ _

__...._ _

__..But.. life keeps going._ _

__And the past.. comes back to haunt you in the shapes of people who you once thought of as friends._ _

__....._ _

__....Would you.._ _

__...Become the same way.. one day..?_ _

__

__.....Was this happily ever after.. only temporary..?_ _

__

__

__He.. didn't want to let go.._ _

__He wanted to stay here, under the rain and lost in this fantasy..._ _

__..but he did, staring at the wonderful expression on your face as you took the hand from his shoulder and lightly placed it on his cheek. It was a touch so gentle and full of love, he couldn't help but lean in to it and let out a small breath._ _

__"CAN YOU PROMISE ME SOMETHING, MY DEAR..?"_ _

__"..What is it..?"_ _

__He hesitated for a moment, watching as the droplets of rain gently glided down your face, dousing your hair and your clothes._ _

__"...WOULD YOU..?"_ _

__..Again the words fell away._ _

__He took in a struggling breath, trying to push them out but his fears kept them wound tightly inside his chest. He never wanted to be without you again. He never wanted to think of a day where he would wake up and you wouldn't be by his side. He couldn't stand the thought of you becoming... like them.._ _

__You were.. so good.. and.. he was..._ _

__"Sans."_ _

__..._ _

__..He never wanted a day again where you wouldn't say his name so tenderly..._ _

__...._ _

__You took your other hand from his and also placed it on his face._ _

__"I promise, I'm not going anywhere."_ _

__

__...._ _

__

__"I'll always be right here for you."_ _

__

__....._ _

__

__"Because there's no one else in the world I love quite as much as the skeleton here before me right now."_ _

__

__...._ _

__

__You loved.. him.._ _

__Not the person he was before._ _

__...But him.. as he was now.._ _

__...._ _

__And that's _exactly_ why he could never let you go..._ _

__So instead he pulled you close, burying himself in the comfort of the crook of your neck and letting those quiet words of love soak into his bones._ _

__Softly._ _

__Gently._ _

__Then harder, tapping and thundering against his soul as it..._ _

__Washed away the words inside is head._ _

__..._ _

__..Only leaving him with thoughts of you._ _

__..._ _

__And the rain..._ _

__And..._ _

__How he will do _anything_ to desperately hold on to this.. happily ever after..._ _


	4. stitches ft. captain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also making his first debut on ao3 is my own fellswap sans, captain! he doesn't have an official fic yet but i do post about him a lot on my [tumblr](https://alch3mic.tumblr.com/) so feel free to give it a follow!

A project. 

That's all this was meant to be.

Something to keep him preoccupied in his free time, now that he seemed to have more time on his hands than he knew what to do with.

Somewhere to put his focus, instead of thinking about things.

Instead of stressing about things.

Instead of.. worrying about.. 'things'.

Like this.. 'thing'.. attached to him.

...

"ya can't just keep pacin' around bro."

Sure he could. 

He could pace around as much as he wanted. It was his boat dammit, and he'd walk around it as he pleased, from the bow to the stern, topside and back. 

"Shouldn't you be resting?"

No. 

How could he? There was work to be done.

All his life he had filled himself with his work. It was all he knew.

Work.

Work.

Work 

Work.

Work 

From his time as a child, working to take care of his younger brother to ensure he was brought up properly to his time in the royal guard working hard every day to support them and make sure they both survived that horrid Underground. Even on the surface he worked and worked and worked, to regain his position as a monster worthy of fear and respect after the humans had stripped them of everything and leaving them to rot like strays on the street.

Every minute of every day he worked.

Most days he even dreamed of it.

Which is exactly why it was so difficult to sit still, even at your request.

"You really should just take it easy, Sans. Didn't Undyne say to not stress yourself out?"

She did, but it didn't matter. 

He was in a constant state of being stressed. 

Stressed was how he operated. 

Stressed was all he knew. 

His body could never give him the pleasure of just 'taking it easy', constantly buzzing, constantly wanting to be in motion. At times he envied his brother for being able to let things go and just kick back, but... that was exactly why he worked so hard wasn't it? 

So that his brother could relax without a worry in that thick skull of his..? 

Of course.. he knew Papyrus went through his own troubles.. it's just...

Gah.

  


This free time was now filling his head with unnecessary thoughts, even as he tried his best to busy himself by patrolling his own boat.

  


..Which was only adding to his stress...

"Lets try a hobby. What do you normally do for fun?"

Think of you. 

Well.. 

He didn't have to now that you were here with him.

He could just spend time with you instead of daydreaming about it.

And he did.

You humored him by relaxing together topside with him and Papyrus, enjoying the salty breezes of the ocean and the warm summer rays. The two of you would chat in his bed for hours, laughing and telling stories of the past as you laid close. You'd help him, by offering an arm when he wore himself out or when he needed help doing something that required two hands. Everything from opening jars to preparing dinner or even tying his shoes.

It was..

Ah, dammit it was so humiliating.

..And also made him strangely happy?

He was.. happily humiliated? 

..Humbled?

..Stars.

  


He never had anyone taken care of him before, so his pride was taking a major blow every time you offered to help. A part of him was glad you'd always ask first so he'd at least get to attempt at doing it by himself but.. it was also humiliating to give in. He was too stubborn for his own good, never having anyone extend a hand for him neither below ground or on the Surface.

Still you never seemed bothered. 

You never batted an eye when he'd turn to you. Sometimes all it took was a look from him and you just knew, without having any words be spoke. Having that kind of connection was.. 

Incredible. 

It had been something the both of you had obviously over the years, but only now it was showing itself in the mundane parts of your lives now that you were with him. Normally it had been when you locked eyes in a fight in the streets of Ebott, and he could see the whole encounter play out in his mind. How you'd swing, how he'd shoot. How you both would nearly hit each other both on purpose and on accident. 

Like a dance with death only the two of you could perform. 

And how beautifully you danced for him..

Now.. having that connection manifest positively, in quiet agreements and silent conversations that took only seconds to have, really drove home the fact that times have changed.

That he was no longer the skeleton he was before.

He had you now, which was different. 

You were his. 

And he was yours. 

Though.. in truth you always had a part of soul with you even if you never realized it.

And he always had Papyrus by his side. 

That could never change.

But now.. he also had..

That.

The 'thing'.

An arm. 

That.. didn't belong to him.

It was attached, sure, but..

  


It was foreign. 

Heavy. 

A burden. 

It was consequences of his actions taken form of something that use to be, but no longer was. Like a cruel symbol of mockery, forever attached to his own broken body. There was nothing but the tickling of a sensation of pain, like a phantom dancing across his bones, from a limb that was no longer there. The magic in his scapula hummed louder than the rest of his body, always catching his attention as it had been enhanced to support the weight of his new arm. It was irritating and constant, like a buzz he couldn't be rid of no matter how loud his thoughts were or tried to be.

Always there.

Always ringing in his skull.

It was driving him crazy, adding to the mounting stress.

  


"FOR FUN? EASY. TRAP MAKING. ANALYTICS. READING THE STOCKS AND NEWS."

"Well that's depressing."

"STAYING INFORMED IS IMPORTANT, DARLING."

"And so is your mental health, Sans. Ignoring this won't make it go away you know."

The metallic hand closed on a reflex when he felt your gaze upon it. 

He didn't like it, despite how incredible Undyne's work was. She had studied him for weeks while he recovered in her intensive care, all so she could make an exact replica of his now missing arm. It looked just like the real thing only casted in asatollite, a type of metal found in the Underground that could conduct magic. No wires. No heavy plating. Just an arm, moved by his own magic.

An impressive feat really, but he felt no pride in this.

..Only shame.

  


As someone who had lived their life known for cutting it close time and time again, this was now all the proof someone needed that they could actually lay their hands on him. There was a chance that someone could hit and do some serious damage. 

For some, that would be enough to push their determination over the edge. 

The proof that he couldn't dodge forever.

And here it was, glinting under the soft afternoon sunlight that filtered into his quarters.

This... was his decline wasn't it?

..He could feel it in his bones.

Here marked the end of his reign of terror as Captain, the scarred skeleton who ruled the docks of Ebott City with an iron fist. Now that once unrelenting grip which strangled the life of rats out of the marine failed to even grasp a pen properly.

It stung in such a strange way that he almost didn't know how to describe it.

It was a unsightly fall from grace, paired with happiness and misery.

He was muddled with complicated feelings that really didn't have proper words, and so instead of spending his days thinking about it while lying in bed, he paced around his ship. 

"Is there anything you've ever wanted to learn?"

He only learned what was necessary. 

Languages to properly communicate with associates, skills like learning to shoot with a gun so that he could avoid having his magic traced back to him, and cooking so he could make sustainable meals when he and Papyrus had nothing..

They weren't things he did for fun, they were necessary.

What else could he learn that was necessary?

"HOW ABOUT TEACHING ME TO CUT A BULLET LIKE YOU DID BACK IN THE 'SISCO EXCHANGE."

"I'm not teaching you that."

"AND WHY'S THAT?"

"I don't need to make you any more dangerous than you already are you bonehead. I meant something fun! Like.. maybe a sport?"

"I THROW DARTS. I ALSO SHOOT."

"I.. Okay I guess that counts," you said, glancing to the wall of his quarters where the board was set up.

It's true it was a dart board hanging on the wall, but it was littered with photos of thugs and politicians, a dart neatly nailed through their head. It honestly looked like more of an omen of things to come rather than a hobby.

"Anything else?"

  


...

  


"I PLAYED THE VIOLIN FOR A SHORT WHILE."

"You did?"

"YES. BACK IN THE UNDERGROUND. I FOUND ONE IN THE DUMP AND TAUGHT MYSELF TO PLAY WHEN I DISCOVERED PAPYRUS LIKED THE WAY IT SOUNDED. IT WOULD HELP PUT HIM TO SLEEP ON SOME OF THE ROUGHER NIGHTS."

"Aww. Maybe you could think about picking it back up. I'd love to hear you play!"

He would, eventually. 

For right now.. the task seemed so daunting now that he had.. 

...That.

"..But maybe not yet."

Another silent conversation, passed by only the glint in his eyesocket. Once again he was glad he didn't have to openly admit he might struggle with learning something like that again but.. a small pass of shame also washed over him.  
He'd love to play for you, to maybe even create his own music to reflect the feelings you gave him in his soul, but to move this metallic.. 'thing'.. to play would be..

He'd become frustrated, just like with everything else.

"AND WHAT DO YOU DO TO RELAX MY DEAR?"

"Me? I usually sew or knit."

Right. Costumes. That’s why you asked to have your own space in that free room on the ship. You had mentioned it once before, how you use to do costuming back in the day for plays and helped your father who worked as a tailor until...

Hm.

"YOU SELL YOUR PIECES DON'T YOU?"

"Just to a few people. I make dresses for Mr. Rose's granddaughter and Rumpelstiltskin still orders some pieces for his wife. I also send some more elaborate stuff the Prince's way every once in awhile and I even still get requests from Mama Bear even after they disappeared off into the forest. I think they might finally have a Baby Bear on the way because they asked about knitting a little blanket a few days ago."

...

He.. tried to not humor the thought of just sailing away from this city with you, like that lucky bastard did with his spouse when he took off into the woods. Of course he couldn't, he knew Papyrus would stay here with Happy and he'd never want to be far from his brother. 

Still...

It was a tempting idea.

"I could always teach you. It's a pretty good skill to just learn how to hand stitch to mend clothing and it really isn't too complicated."

He relented ...of course. 

Because he always did to you, with that smile on your face and the hum in your tone. 

Learning from you had been everything he hoped for, with you sitting close to him as you taught him how to thread a needle. You were patient with him as he struggled, his hand shaking as he did his best to will his magic to move. You were gentle as you taught him to stitch carefully and slowly, following along side as you guided him every step of the way.

...He'll never forget the way you laughed at his first pass though. 

He had been so damn.. angry! 

Really, you had the nerve to laugh even when he did his best! 

You were the worst, which is why exactly he had to pin you down and tickle you until you couldn't breathe. At least he could use that wretched metal arm to press your hands above your head as you desperately tried to wrestle out of his hold until you were flushed and gasping for breath.

His next attempt was alone late at night, when even the stars on the deck above couldn't quell his thoughts. They ran wild in his head, stampeding and thrashing about.

At his failures. 

At his mistakes.

At the humming in his shoulder and the arm that ached despite not being there.  
So he tried to not think about it as he quietly threaded the needle under the dim yellow lights in his quarters. The quiet creak and groan of the boat was his only accompaniment along your soft breathing from the bed as you peacefully slumbered away.

In and out.

In and out.

In and out.

He timed his stitches with your breaths, pushing the needle through the felt and then back again as he sewed the two pieces of scrap fabric together. It was strange how difficult this was, willing his fingers to move while simply pushing and pulling a needle. His jaw would tense as his hand shook at times and failed to grasp the needle, and then he'd hear you let out a sigh and he'd relax again.

In and out.

In and out.

In and out.

Until the stitch was done.

Until he hushed the wild thoughts in his head and put his stress to bed.

Until he could no longer deny himself your company and he'd fall back to your side, finally delving into the depths of sleep.

He spent many days and nights like this, a fire ignited in his soul to hear your praise the first time.

"Seems like your stitched are getting tighter. Nice work there, Cap."

That was all he needed.

Your words. Your smile. The exigent that reflected in your beautiful eyes. You were proud of him, and it made him work all the harder as he sat with you in the room you had taken for your sewing. This place had been your sanctuary, something he once avoided entering to at least give you a little room for yourself on the ship, but now he found reassurance in it as well.

The whir of your sewing machine had become a comfort, able to drown out the buzz in his head as he worked beside you. Soft colorful fabrics lined the shelves in the wall and a half finished dress would decorate a mannequin or two. The both of you would drink coffee and chit chat as he tried to get lost in the motions of hand stitching pieces of scrap fabric together. 

He didn't want to constantly strain himself to move his arm.

He wanted it to be natural.

He wanted to use his hand without a second thought.

He wanted it to be like..

How it use to be.

But it could.. never really be like it use to be. 

And he struggled and struggled and struggled.

In the weeks that had dragged by, both you and Papyrus had picked up small gigs to help patch the hole his injury was leaving. 

Sans was... or had been.. the bread maker. 

He always prided himself on providing by running the docks, able to keep his rather lavish lifestyle alive by delivering cargo from overseas to sellers like the Fell brothers and the other croons of this city, but the two of you had insisted on him resting, so his businesses and trades had all but halted.

You were still far off from ever putting a dent in his savings, but the two of you worked regardless to ease his stress. 

..Because somehow, even having the back up funds prepared for events like this, didn't stop Sans from stressing.

The only part that annoyed him about it was that you had less time to teach him. You focused more on your commissions, so Sans would leave you in peace to your quiet room and stitch in his quarters.

He hadn't really decided what he wanted to work towards from stitching. It had simply become a tool to help train his fingers, so now that he could sew what was he suppose to do with the skill?

...

  


....

  


.....

  


It was a quiet afternoon in his quarters, the low hum of a forgotten radio on his desk as a deep voice rattled off the daily news mixed with a garble of static. Being so far out into the marine meant the reception wasn't good, but he could pick up key terms as the voice drawled on. Another murder on the west side, some more fights in the south and some re-election news. Not like it mattered who was in charge these days. The faces changed but at the end of the day these suits always lined their pockets with bloodied dollar bills. This city was rotted to it's core, just like it's people, and it'd stay that way until it was burned to the ground.

Sans' eyelights drifted down to the book in front of him.

'Stuffed Plushies For Beginners!'

The title almost felt condescending, just like the colorful pictures and simple wording that decorated each page. He still couldn't help but twist his frown deeper at the fact that you bought him a children's book of all things, paired with that sharp little grin of yours and that infectious laugher. It had been too much..  
Which is why he snatched the damn thing out of your hands when you gave it to him. 

"To help decide what you want to do with your new skill! Maybe you can finally make something instead of just stitching scraps together you dork."

He would never turn down a challenge, especially from you, and he was eager to have your approval again.

"AND WHAT EXATLY SHOULD I SEW?"

"Just pick something you're interested in and sew it. They have a lot of animals in there! You do at least like one kind of animal, don't you?"

Dogs, because they were loyal.

Cats, because they could fend for themselves.

Birds, because of their freedom.

But making something based of them didn't quite appeal to Sans.

'Basic Plushie Pattern.'

...

"hey bro, i wanted to ask- oh my stars."

"AH-!" Sans inhaled, squeezing the doll in his grasp and nearly tearing at it with his claws. "YOU-! WOULD YOU KNOCK!?"

"you actually made a plushie of them. wow," his brother hummed, "and here i thought your obsession couldn't get any wo-"

WHOOMPH.

The pillow made direct contact with Papyrus' face, earning a laugh from the taller skeleton. Sans barked out a few more insults as his brother continued to giggle, admiring what he had finished so far. 

It.. looked like crap.

Some of the stitches were lopsided and others weren't uniform, but he wanted to see this through before his frustrations got the better of him. So with some encouragement from Papyrus he kept at it, finishing the body and then attaching the head.

"Pahahaha! Captain!"

"WHAT!?"

"You! Ehehe! You-! Of.. of me!"

"LOOK, JUST TELL ME IT'S TERRIBLE SO I CAN BE RID OF THE ACURSED THING ALRIGHT?"

"No! No. Absolutely not! I'm keeping this forever and you can never take it away from me!"

He gritted his teeth and attempted to wrestle the doll from your grasp but to no avail. You hugged it close and refused to relent, calling it precious and a testament to his efforts.

All of his hard work.. 

To a doll..

That looked like you.

"Are you going to make one of you?" you asked, letting out a few breaths as he finally gave up trying to grab the doll from your grasp.

"AND WHY WOULD I DO THAT?"

"Well I don't want them to be lonely."

...

How could he... ever argue with that.

So begrudgingly he sewed again, this time now more aware than ever of that 'thing' as it worked meticulously to create a replicate of itself. The doll's left arm, sewn together with a deep gray metallic fabric, now shared the same shame he did.

...

Strangely enough, it suited him.

...

  


"They look cute together."

  


"ONE ON THE RIGHT HAS SEEN BETTER DAYS."

  


"I still think he's pretty cute. He's trying his best, after all."

  


Well.. he certainly couldn't argue with that either.

  



	5. comfort ft. cheshire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here my friends, is my dear underlust sans named cheshire. he doesn't have an official fic as of yet but i do write about him over on my [tumblr](https://alch3mic.tumblr.com/), so feel free to give it a follow!

Don't get attached.

That seems like a pretty simple motto to live by, huh?

Well that's because.... it was.

In a world that cared little for anything beyond their momentary value, it was easy to not get attached. Everything changed day by day in this fast paced life. There was always a new video to look at, or a new phone to buy. Always a new trend to jump on or a new topic to talk about. You didn't form attachments to those things, you just used them to pad out your day so you didn't have to think about your meaningless existence, and then you were done with it.

You got rid of it.

Threw it out.

Forgot about it.

It no longer mattered because it no longer entertained you. 

There was always something newer and shinier to look at just around the corner anyways, so.. why would you think twice about it?

Things were just.. easier.. when you didn't get attached...

You.. couldn't feel the pain of being let go.. if there was nothing holding you there in the first place.

.....

A shame he had to learn that the hard way, but that was life.

This world treated it's people like a commodity, always being bought and sold for their looks, money or talents.

Anything else was just worthless.

Filler. 

Like packing peanuts that belonged in the garbage after you stripped a box of its goods.

Nobody cared how you felt.

Your emotions didn't matter in the slightest.

All that really mattered is that you played your part.

You spoke your empty words.

You did your flashy dance.

..You sold your soul.

..And then.. you'd collect your earnings and leave so you could go and buy the newest phone model you had your eye on.

.....

Emotions were.. well.. 

...Worthless.

...Just like they always were..

Just like they had been.. back in his own Underground.

Which is why, on that day.. 

When that realization set into Sans' bones that the surface really was no different..

That it didn't matter what he did..

Or how he felt..

...He swore to himself...

That he'd never get attached.

......

..And that's exactly why...

He could _never_ forgive you.

Because in a world that was ever changing.. 

Day by day...

And always moving forward... 

..How dare you stay the same.

Ah.. dammit!

Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!

It just wasn't fair..!

Just what the hell was wrong with you anyways?

He went to all that stupid trouble to close all those damn doors! 

He boarded up every stupid window and stuffed everything shut as tightly as he could! 

He gathered up all those loose emotions, tied them with a lock and a chain, and then threw them into the basement to never see the damn light of day again!

He even threw away the damn key to it all and yet...!

..And yet...

Somehow.. someway.. you still..

Weaseled your way right into his soul.

....

It just wasn't fair.

...He hated it.

..Or.. rather.. himself.

Because despite the fact that you were the one who did this, even after his multiple attempts to shove you away.... he could never say he actually hated you.

....

Maybe jokingly but..

No.. he could never actually hate you..

Despite how hard he tried.

You were just so damn.. persistent.

Not even in the annoying way! You were just..! Always there!

Really..

How dare you.. become someone that meant something to him!

How dare become a pillar of support for him to lean on!

How dare you open your arms to him, offering your gentle words and affirmations to him like he deserved them or something, and letting yourself become such a comfort that he actually sought you out now to help mend these pieces of his broken soul.

....

H-how dare you..

...Always be there for him.

Time and time again you were.. just..! 

There!

You were always there!

Why were you always there!?

Christ, it's like you really had nothing better to do!

What, was he just your entertainment!?

A cute little show!?

Did you just want a front row seat to how much of a mess he really was because you were that bored!? Is that why you were always there!? Is that why you always picked up the phone when he called, no matter the starsdamned hour of the day? Is that why you were always there... no matter how far it was..? ..Rain or shine.. snow, hail or even when the damn wind was blowing nearly everything off its feet you were..

You were.. always..

....

There.

And that was just so damn unforgivable.

.....

There were times when he wished to himself.. that you had always been there.

...Way before.. he became like this.

Maybe he wouldn't have been such a mess if he had you in the first place but..

Life just wasn't fair, now was it?

He wanted to be angry about it still.

To blame you.

But he couldn't.

Really all he had to blame was himself.

He.. betrayed his own promise.

He had sworn to himself on that day that he'd never get attached.. and yet here he was.. more dependent upon you than he had been for anyone else in his life.

..Even to his own brother.. who had really seen him at some real bad lows.

But you..

You saw him at rock bottom.. and yet..

...You were still here...

.....

Really, you were by all accounts, an anomaly. 

An outlier. 

Someone who shouldn't be counted with the rest, because unlike the usual scum of this city.. you were...

Well you certainly weren't a ray of sunshine, that's for sure.

A little stoic and kinda stone faced, which probably worked to your benefit because people seemed to shy away from asking things of you, but..

You were.. different.

Despite the fact that you grew up here in Ebott, a vile city filled to the brim with criminals and thieves who ate people up for breakfast and then spat them out before lunch.. you.. were.. still you.

Calm. 

Insightful.

...Caring.. 

..And... dependable.

....

...And how...

How was he not supposed to get attached to you?

..When you were always there for him..

Like now, as you held him steadily in your arms while he so desperately clung on to you as if you'd run away if he let you go. Of course a part of him was always scared you would because.. why wouldn't you? 

What could someone like you possibly see in someone like him..?

Someone.. shallow and.. terrible with a whole novel's worth of issues.

Not at all good at comforting people. 

Fickle and who practically ran at the first signs of trouble.

If he were you..

Well.. he would've given up on himself a long time ago.

..So.. why did you.. stay..?

.....

He was too scared to ask that question.

Too scared of the answer that may come from your lips, even though those words might just save him...

..Because he was absolutely certain that they'd actually just be the final nail that turns him to dust..

So he pushed the thought far from his mind to the back to die with the rest of his unnecessary feelings. Not that it was hard really, Sans' mind was a bloody fucking mess, clouded by a horrid mixture of alcohol and drugs that had him feeling on top of the world just a measly few hours ago.

Stars.. it really was easy to get lost in that madness wasn't it?

..Into the pleasure and fun that came at the end of a bottle, or at the end of another hit. 

In a way.... it was just like magic.

In an instant, all those troubles that clouded your mind would seem so far away... 

For a while you'd be unburdened by responsibility or society. 

You'd let go of the constraints holding you back, you'd let loose and finally just be free. 

Your mind would let go of it's troubling thoughts..

Of things... and... 

..People...

......

You'd have fun without stress. 

You'd lose yourself to the motions.

To movements. 

To the descent.

..To the fall.

Down.

Down.

Down.

Down the rabbit hole you'd go.

....

But with every fall.

Came a landing.

....

Right to the very bottom... and you'd suffer the consequences of your descent.

Now that once hypnotic neon that drew him into this club seemed sickening to his eyesockets, and the smell of smoke mixed with sweat and grease made him want to hurl. He didn't want to hear anymore words spoken by anyone else, much less those so called 'friends' who invited him here in the first place. Their words had long faded away to numbing static in the background now that the intense music was gone. He was sick of their empty flattery and jealous praises anyways, all trying to catch his attention so they could use him as a footstool to higher society. The only reason they invited him here was to get some damn clout for themselves and he was lonely enough to accept the offer because...

For once, you weren't there.

.....

Well you were technically there, because you always told him to call if he ever needed you, you just weren't like... _there_ there!

..And he was feeling sad and...!

You weren't.. well-!

It's just-! He.. just-!

....

He didn't want to...

.....

Ugh.

It didn't matter. 

He was just tired of it now. Tired of those damn pieces of trash..

They deserved to sit in the dumpster where they belong, but he was too fucked up to put them there so instead he just let it become background noise.

He wanted nothing more than to stay right here, in the only place he really felt at ease.

..With you.

So he turned his head away from it all and breathed in deep, a familiar scent washing away the muck that clung to the edges of his mind. It was fresh and a bit misty, like the scent of rain just before it fell with just a small hint of earthiness, and it brought him such a sense of..

..Comfort.

Just... like it always did.

Just like you always did, whenever you were around.

It made him clutch on to you all the tighter as he buried his head further into your shoulder, wanting to be lost in the mellow scents of your coat and the steady rhythmic beating of your heart as you spoke softly to someone else. 

He was just.. 

Tired.

Tired of this, and tired of that.

Really he was tired of everything and just wanted to.. go..

"...home," he slurred, clearly interrupting your conversation with someone but not having the slightest care in the world.

His skull could hardly make sense of what was being said anyways, still washed up in the dizzying effects of alcohol and.. whatever else he took, but he really didn't care.

He wanted to go home.

That's why he had messaged you in the first place.

So you could come pick him up, yet again, and take him back home.

At least.. he hoped that's why you were here.

Who knows, maybe you'd finally come to your senses and would just dunk him in the trash can where he belonged.

"We're heading out in just a second, alright?" you said gently, your words cutting clear through his own thoughts.

.....

He barely turned his head to peek at you, catching the vague shape of your face through the fluorescent neon.

Funny.. how just your tone settled his troubled mind, almost making him feel silly for thinking you'd abandon him. Even if he didn't understand why in the slightest, you clearly cared for him. It came through in the way you spoke, and in the way you held on to him, like he was something precious and worth keeping.

...He just really didn't get it..

So he didn't think about it, instead just squeezing his eyesockets and letting out.. a noise in response. 

..Really it was more like a painful, almost guttural groan, but he didn't want to acknowledge how unattractive it sounded, so a noise it was. 

Thankfully it was enough.

"Just hang tight."

And then you spoke again, but not to him, so he let your voice fall to the side too, the gentle rumblings steadying him as he buried his face back to his usual spot.

For right here, in the small space between your neck and your shoulder was his own personal Wonderland. It was the same place his skull always went, whenever you two were close. The place he buried his face when he cried, or where he turned his head away to escape from it all. He loved to feel the pleasant heat of your skin against his cheek, and let those soft and subtle scents wash over him once more.

He really could just.. get lost in it.

He'd stay there forever, if you'd let him.

And that's exactly why he could never forgive you.

Because.. you did.

Time and time again you gave him that place all to himself, without question or complaint.

You let him come undone in so many ways in that small space, that house he had built for himself and boarded up.. no longer felt like home.

..And the feelings that he had locked away tight..

They were always so close to just.. coming out.

They threatened to spill from his mouth and dirty your jacket with their sullied words.

His admiration.

His respect.

His... love... for you.. 

..And all that you've done.

They danced tantalizingly on the end of his tongue, sometimes escaping in the friendly ‘I love you’s you both shared, or passed through his fingertips when your hands gently brushed, sending shocks to his soul. They seeped into almost every action and he..

Well..

A part of him felt like he was going to just go crazy over it..!

Or maybe.. he always had...

But for every moment he stayed in your presence it lingered..

And it swished and swirled... bubbling at the surface and just threatening to...

Break.. loose..! 

"You doing okay?"

No.

No, he really wasn't doing okay.

Really he wasn't.

The words.. they were...

Slipping...

No...

He was...!

..Going to..!

"....i think i'm going to throw up."

"...Ah."

......

He probably would've been angrier if that wasn't the truth.

The excess magic bubbling in his soul was threatening to rush out thanks to the alcohol, and he certainly didn't want that spilling out of his ribcage so the only other option was out from where it came.

"Can you hold it?"

Ya know, normally that kind of question might've been seen as insensitive given the circumstance, but you very well knew Sans hated throwing up in public areas because it was... well kinda gross.

"..yeah.."

"Then let's go home then."

And that was it. 

You looked back to whomever you were speaking to and said your goodbyes before turning and heading out of the club with him in your arms while he tried to cling to you like a koala.

The awful neon was fading away along with the horrid smells, leaving him in just the gentle presence of you..

At least until you opened the door to the outside world the city lights and smells hit him like a fucking truck. He cringed, for even in the late hour the lights were in full shine and cars honked aggressively at each other in the streets. It was overwhelming and only made him retreat farther into arms, trying to escape from it.

Oh great, here comes the nausea again.

He groaned and you thankfully put a bit more pep in your step as you headed into the musky night air, finally reaching your car after what felt like a small eternity.

He had felt the keys already in your hand when you picked him up, and now you carefully tried to unlock the car door while maintaining your hold. It was surely a fairly easy task, considering the two of you had been in this exact position so many times before, and it wasn't long before you opened the door and tried to place him into the passenger seat.

"...You know you gotta let go so we can go home."

".....no."

He could feel your breathy laugh brush past his skull and neck, nearly making him tremble, but he still held on tight.

Sans just didn't want to let you go.

"..Please?"

.........

He.. reluctantly released his grasp, slowly sliding into the seat as he already began missing your warmth. His eyes automatically slipped shut, feeling more relaxed in the familiar space of your car. The passenger side seat was still just how he left it, tilted back just enough so he could nap comfortably.

"Just a sec."

"...mmmhh."

At least it was a more attractive sound this time.

Then he waited.. for what felt like another small eternity, almost tempted to brave the bright world to look at you before he was joined by a pleasant warmth, and the soft scents of rain and earth.

You laid your jacket on him, and he quickly hugged on to it while you busied yourself with buckling him in. Another easy task, as he heard the click of the seatbelt in place, and felt your presence leave him once more. He barely cracking his eyesockets open to catch your gaze, and for the briefest of moments he was greeted by your smile

"Was it fun?"

"...no.."

You let out a snort, shaking your head at his bluntness before standing up closing the door.

One last small eternity later and you opened up the driver side door, seating yourself before buckling yourself in.

"If I remember correctly you didn't have fun the last time you went out with her either, so why go?" you asked, turning the key and starting your car.

There was no judgement in your tone, more like a genuine curiosity. Surely it must've seemed dumb to keep torturing yourself in the presence of people you didn't like.. but..

"i'unno..." he muttered.

He was lonely.

"..jus didn' have anythin' else...since you were gone.."

There was a small pause as he watched your brows furrow, but you kept your gaze ahead as you pulled out of the parking lot and into the busy streets of Ebott.

"Well I did invite you," you reminded him and he let a small huff.

"i didn' wanna... intrude.. on your.. family... whatever."

"You know my mom wouldn't mind."

"...i know.."

Urgh.

Darn that woman for being almost as equally likeable as you were.

Really.. at first he could hardly believe the two of you were related with how bright and cheerful your mother was compared to your rather indifferent demeanor, but you both had that same tenderness that shone through in the way you cared for people.

...She always made him feel so welcome anytime he came around.

Like family..

....

And yet... 

He didn't want to sully such a happy image with someone like himself.

So instead of joining you for an evening of board games and home cooked meals with your mom, he filled his meaningless life with people who were just as meaningless. He stuffed that empty skull of his with hollow praises, and anything that'd take these vile feelings away.

He didn't deserve this.

He didn't deserve.. you.

He deserved to be used up.

Thrown out.

And forgotten.

..Just like the rest of the people like him..

So... why did you refuse to let him go?

....

Once again he was too scared to ask.

Too scared of the answer he might receive, even if there was a possibility that it could save him. He just wanted to keep holding onto this. On to you, in hopes that you'd still just always be there for him.

Just like.. you always were.

....

He let out another huff, feeling those words threatening to spill forth again as he clutched on to your jacket. His hand wandered over to the same place it always did when he felt like shit but couldn't say it, to the middle console where it waited patiently.

His patience was rewarded, one small eternity later, when he felt your hand gently settle over his.

There was nothing more he could do to keep the words from spilling forth.

"i love you..."

And he meant it, with every fiber of his soul.

"I love you too Sans."

..Not in the same way, he knew, but...

This was still just enough.

Enough to keep him here.

Enough to keep him going, with the hope that maybe some day.. you would really love him too, in the same ways that he loved you.


End file.
